A Mother's Promise

A month before my Mom’s passing she made me a very special promise I like to share in this Mother’s Day blog post. I shared parts of this story at my Wedding Luncheon. You could perhaps call this the extended version.

When I was twelve, my sweet mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I don’t remember when she told us, to be honest I don’t think I fully comprehended the seriousness of it. I don’t think I really got it until two years later when she was diagnosed a second time. At that time I remember the doctors gave her a death sentence of two to ten years. Honestly, I was in denial. My vote was the latter, but secretly I wished for a miracle that the doctors would find a cure. I told myself, and God, that she couldn’t die until after I got married. That was my one wish: that she would live to see me get married.

Then, one spring day in April my sophomore year of high school, I was in my seminary class where we were having a testimony meeting. I remember a girl got up to bear her testimony and in it she spoke of her mom who passed away the year before. In that moment I received a strong impression from the Holy Ghost, a revelation of sorts, that told me that would be me in a year’s time. I knew in that moment my wish to have my mother live to see my wedding day wouldn’t happen.

When I got home from school later I saw my mom on the porch’s bench enjoying the spring air. I went and sat next to her not sure how, let alone if, I should tell her about my experience. I decided to ask her to make me a promise instead.

“Mom, will you promise me you’ll be at my wedding, even if you’re dead?” To which she replied, “Especially if I’m dead.”

I’ve waited sixteen years for this promise to come true, that’s literally half my life. I admit, there were many times I doubted it would ever happen, but my mother’s promise I have never forgotten, or my dream to someday be a wife and mother. It’s been an honor and a privilege to wear my mother’s engagement ring and call it my own.

About ten years after her passing my dad pulled out her journals. At this time I was really struggling and was thoroughly convinced I would never get married. I believed it to be an impossible dream. The journal I had selected was from the year 1979, the summer after my parents had gotten married. I was amazed when I read the following passage, knowing it was meant just for me at this time in my life:

“I’m going to write something its hard for me to talk about. But I want to get it written so I can help myself cope with these feelings. Maybe it can help someone who may read this in the future who may have the same feelings..

I used to be afraid I’d never get married. Even though I knew someday I would, I was afraid no one would ever love me in a marrying kind of way. I just couldn’t imagine my dreams all coming true. But I kept reminding myself that ‘Heavenly Father loves me and wants to be happy- so when the time is right, I’ll be married.’ I remember the summer of ’76, pleading with the Lord to please let me find my Mr Right. I wanted so much to be loved and to love. I wanted to be married! But I had to find patience and develop faith in my Father and trust in his judgement. Now everything has worked out very well. Two years later I was married to my wonderful husband.”

I was shocked and amazed to learn that my mom had struggled with the same feelings I was having, that I’d never find my Mr Right and all I wanted was to be loved and to love. It helped to know she understood me and my fears. I held on to her words of “Heavenly Father loves me and wants to me to be happy- so when the time is right, I’ll be married.” I worked hard to follow her council to have faith and trust in the Lord’s timing.

About two years later in February 2014 I moved to Sandy. I found myself missing my mom a lot. I think because I was in a new city where no one knew me, or her. I pulled out another one of her journals, this time I picked the journal shortly before she met my dad. I read about their courtship, engagement, and marriage. Hope began to swell within me. I had a strange feeling that my time was soon at hand. I had no idea then I had just met my future husband. (Zach and I met the day I moved to Sandy.)

About seven weeks ago Zach and I got married. I knew my mom would be at my wedding as she had promised, though I didn’t know how I would know it. Would I perhaps see her, or just feel her? What would be my witness? I know when I entered the sealing room and saw all my love ones there I lost it. I couldn’t contain my tears, the love in that room was so strong I was overwhelmed. Perhaps that was my witness?

It was later at the luncheon when my matron of honor, now sister-in-law, Heather gave her little speech. She talked about what an amazing experience it has been to assist me in planning our wedding, and how through planning there have been sweet tender moments when she’s felt she’s gotten to know my mom. It meant so much to hear her say that, because in the moment I realized that my mom has been with me all along, cheering me on. :)

I am so happy to start this new chapter of marriage together with Zach. I know it won’t always be easy, it will be hard, but I know the two of us will make it. We’re in this together, forever, thanks to the blessings of the temple and Heavenly Father’s plan of salvation made possible by His son, Jesus Christ and his atonement: I know families are forever.